An Uncharted girl

I used to have this friend who, for their privacy's sake, I named the Uncharted girl. Her favorite game is Uncharted and I guess you could say she's a mystery to me as well... but anyways I've just been thinking about her often as of recently. She used to be a very good friend of mine who I really confided in. I met her through my ex. Her and his little sister were the two great things I got out of that relationship.
This girl was someone I told some really personal stories to, and she was there for me when I moved out of my previous living situations, with an old roommate into the ex's house and theeennn into the next place. She was there for me in a lot of sticky situations, and I really trusted her. I even had her design a tattoo for me (which I plan on getting for my 20th birthday if things go as planned). So, you know by now this really isn't going to be a post about how great our friendship is.
She, like many people in my life, hurt me so much. I built a relationship with this person, she and I would hang out after I moved away from her and my ex so I believed we could actually be friends. Until my ugh.. my ex went and had to pull some childish bullshit. He made her choose between being friends with me or having a relationship with him. (She is dating my ex's brother) So she decided to choose him over me. Which broke my heart. I got so close to her, I told her so many things... and got so close to her and she just dropped me. Just like that, it was just so easy for her to choose someone who didn't even like her- look this is not the point. The point of this was to say how much I really miss her and how I wish she would have just stood up to him. She could have said hey dude I'm 25 I can choose who I want to be friends with, it's wrong for you to do this to me because I care about both of you guys. Sigh.. trust me I can understand to some extent about how she wants to make sure to have a good relationship with her man's family.. but to let a dude tell you how to live your life just grinds my gears..
She and I used to watch American Horror Story together, we wouldn't watch it without the other.. and I still haven't watched any.. it's been quite awhile. If you're reading this Uncharted, I don't hate you I just really miss you and wish you had just chose me. But it's cool, people do this to me all the time.
-L3

Long summer days

We all know days in summer are longer and the sun stays out because we go through daylight savings.. but this post isn't about time change or really the summer itself. I'm just really missing my man, summer days seem even longer without him by my side. His voice when he calls me is like a glass of water after you've been walking in the Vegas heat. I seriously cannot wait until I can be with him again. I remember the night he left and I just didn't want my time with him to end, I cried so much when he was heading towards the door. I know I sound dramatic but anyone who has been in a relationship with someone where the feelings are just so heavy would know how I feel.

I guess it's worse for me right now because he is my boyfriend and my best friend. He's all I have right now, if you read my previous post you know I don't have many friends.. so this summer is just going to be super tough. I know once I see his handsome self I'll just turn into a puddle. Meaning I might just start crying.. I'm not sure yet what my reaction will be but all I really do know is that seeing him will be the highlight of my whole summer. Just being able to see him smile in front of me, to feel his soft skin touch mine.. would just be so amazing. If I could just hold his hand right now I think I could make it the rest of the summer. It's just so hard not to miss someone you can't go one minute without thinking about them. 

I miss seeing his perfect smile, his beautiful brown eyes, his hair he cares so much about, everything really.. distance is so hard. But I love him so much, and I just want him to be happy. I have to keep reminding myself not to say how much I want him here, because I don't want him to feel bad for leaving. He deserves to be happy and to do something this great. I am so proud of him, and I want to support him every step of the way... i feel like I'm rambling so ... deuces :P

-L3

Frosted Flakes

Something I have gotten used to over the years, but still hurts every time it happens is having friends continuously flake on me. But me being the most forgiving person in the whole world lets go. The thing is that there has to be a point where you just become a door mat. I don't have many friends right now for a reason, I no longer want to be a door mat. Don't get me wrong, I can understand certain situations where plans have to be canceled.. but stringing me along saying you will be here is just wrong and I don't deserve that.
This has happened wayyyy too much.. not to mention people just walk out of my life like I don't matter. Let's just say, I don't have the greatest experiences with people and friendships. For most of my life people have just skipped out on me. I thought after some time went by that people would grow up or at least be decent... I couldn't be more wrong. Well as of now I see myself friendless.. with the exception of my roommate and boyfriend. I just don't understand what I do to deserve this crap in my life. Like did I sign up for this shit list? Because I really don't remember.
Whatever, it's life. You lose friends.. in my case you lose pretty much all of them. But I know this will make me a strong and more independent individual. So screw it. I really hope I can make more friends soon, as pathetic as that sounds.
-L3

Another sleepless night

Well this is a night like any other I've had this summer.. a night where I stay up later than I should. Thinking.. like what is my whole purpose in life. I, just like many other teenagers/college students.. am just trying to figure out where I fit in this world. And once I find where I belong.. then what? I die and it's gone? What's the point exactly? (This is not going to be some religious bs, I really don't wanna get into that again,)
I catch myself wondering, who do I belong with? Am I supposed to go through life with a partner? or alone..? What will I do with my life? Will I have a career, get married, and have kids? Or will I die young? Will I be a drifter? So many questions I just want answers to.. What's the point of building a life for myself if it all will end one day? And.. I just don't see the point in life itself. Not in a suicidal way, but in all honesty I really don't get it.
So a person who grew up with religion, like me, was taught that the purpose of life was like a huge exam. To prove yourself pretty much.. but now that I let go of religion.. does life really have no meaning without a religion behind it? Hm..
Then I think about my current relationship, am I supposed to be with this person? Will we last? (I hope so, I don't really think I'm making a mistake. I'm just questioning everything at this point) I am very conflicted. I don't want to live a life with no purpose or meaning.
                                            .                    .                    .
This is unrelated... but I just want to put this out there because it made me extremely happy. My father called me today and we talked for awhile catching up. I'm not going to get into the details of why I don't get to talk to him all the time. But, he said something that really touched my heart and it brought me to tears on the phone. I didn't tell him about my relationship with my current boyfriend only because we have a history, not a very positive one you could say. So I was waiting for a good time to tell him about it, but my mom told him about it which bummed me out because I wanted to tell him myself. Anyways, he told me that he supports the relationship I have with my boyfriend.. and he just wants us to be happy. Oh good lord I'm tearing up typing this.. but it means so much because one my parents NEVER supported us as a couple, AND my dad is so unforgiving. He will hold a grudge for a looonnng time. It just makes me so happy that he is willing to get over the past and support my happiness. Because he just never did when he and I dated before.. My dad is just awesome and I love him so much. He always does things for me to just be happy.. even if that means getting over something he doesn't necessarily want to... I have a great dad, I miss him so much. Well I should be getting to bed soon.. bleh..
-L3

Vodka Blues

Being a young and stupid teen, of course I got my hands on alcohol ... annnnd I got to the point in a relationship that I just drank my feelings. Which I know, would lead me down a dark road. (I decided to stop drinking entirely not only because it's ILLEGAL but because I was drinking far too much) But I was in a long relationship, in which this person supplied me with alcohol and was the person who got me to drink in the first place. So I had an endless supply of alcohol pretty much. Which, an emotionally unstable young girl shouldn't have access to. I couldn't possibly blame another person for this, trust me the blame is all on me. This isn't a blame post. Like I've said before, this blog is kind of a form of therapy for me.
This is hard for me to admit but, I need to put this on the table. I drank not too often but.. When I did I over did it. I drank sometimes until I got sick.. if you have ever gotten drunk when you're sad or lonely you understand what I'm about to say. I was so depressed I would talk about dying. I would be so down on myself and remind myself of all the terrible things that have happened to me, or that I have done, even mistakes I have made. Crying became the norm when I decided to drink. It's pathetic, I know.
Involved in a relationship I knew, in my heart, I didn't really want just forced me to drink all the pain I had away.. well that was what I had hoped would happen every time. An escape... but it never worked out that way. It just made me a sloppy, sick, and sad drunk girl.
I knew I was getting to the point of no return, becoming an alcoholic. Which I really didn't want, pft who the hell really does right? My family has a bad history with addiction, so I refused to travel down a road most traveled. So once I went to a friend's birthday party, I quit drinking cold turkey. I promised myself I would not drink until I was old enough and emotionally stable. (Mind you, I am only 19 at the moment. It's really bad I went through this kind of problem at my age.. but anyways..) If you know me and ever invite me to go drink or have some kind of alcoholic beverage you want to offer me, remember this post... I don't need the temptation.
You might be thinking, if you are older than I, what does she know? She is hardly old enough to understand the real struggles of addiction.
Yes, I am young and a little naive about this. But I knew when I told myself I need to drink.. I was becoming something I never wanted to be. Sure I've never experienced things most alcoholics would, but ... I really don't know where I am going with this..
Okay, I may not have struggled with the addiction but this is just me getting something off my chest and explaining to anyone who asks me to drink the reason why I don't. Here it is.
What I gained from this whole situation is that yeah life's a bitch and I can't just call it quits because oh woe is me. My life sucks blah blah, I need to do something to make myself happy, not try to drown my sorrows in poison.
-L3

Warped Tour, and those people..

It's that time of year again, warped tour seasonnnn! If you live under a rock and don't know what warped tour is... it's a music festival. Buuuut I am so excited for warped this year, the line up is amazing. I saw that the line up included Bullet For My Valentine, Falling in Reverse, Good Charlotte, Issues, Sleeping With Sirens, Sum 41, and Set it Off. Those are just a few of the bands I'm stoked to see.
Warped tour is a broke alternative teen's dream. Only because its 45 bucks for a ticket and you get to see so many groups. Not to mention you have the possible chance to meet your favorite bands. It's great. Let me just pause, and say that on my list of bands I want to see one day is Bullet For My Valentine. They were one of the few bands that got me into the music I love today. And finally after 6 years I get to see them. IM SO EXCITED!!!
But something I am not so excited about is the different kinds of jerks you can bump into. There are...
1. The whiny fan girls... not the majority of fan girls that just get excited to see their favorite band. But the ones who complain about the wait or well.. anything really. Everyone here has been in the heat, and is sweating. Shut up.. no one likes that girl who claims to love the band and can't put up with the wait or the heat. (when these girls crowd surf, be sure to let them fall) lol
2. Metal Snobs- this is a term I made up, these people are the ones who judge your music. Popular quotes being, "They're not even that hardcore." or "You guy's are so annoying why do you like this shit." They're especially annoying when they are in a crowd of people who are seeing the band they think is so terrible. (These are the type of people that care too much about their "metal" image)
3. Shades- these are the shady ass people who try to steal things from you. They reach into your bag or touch your pockets.. hate these people. My first warped tour someone stole 20 bucks from me... and that was for food... so I had to ask a friend for money to help me out. Sucked so bad.
4. Moshpit Makers- self explanatory.. the guys who bump into you or punch you even though you didn't join the damn pit. -__-
5. General Stupid People- you know the people that know its going to be really hot outside and don't hydrate or bring water. Orr the people who drink monster/sugary drinks all day and eventually pass out and have to leave because they don't know how to properly hydrate. JUST DON'T COME IF YOU DON'T HYDRATE YOU LOOK STUPID PASSING OUT IN A CROWD.
6. Crowd Surfers- ARE THE WORST WHEN YOU'RE ME. Some people should just not crowd surf, they're too big sometimes... like.. dude don't crush us.. And other times I just get kicked in the head. So damn annoying.
.... I don't think I can come up with more things right now but I'm sure there is.
But warped tour is just an amazing experience and I would highly suggest that if a band you like is on the line up just go. You can make friends, listen to some great music, discover new bands you may like, and some good food as well. I know I'm looking forward to it, as I do every year.
See you in the pit.
-L3

Self Improvement

Well I just feel the need to write about this, I have come to the point in my life where I want to reevaluate the decisions in my life.. One of them being getting into a (soon to be) serious relationship when I was 14. I became one of the most annoying girlfriends in the history of girlfriends. I was, at least I feel, too young for such a serious commitment. I should have grown up more and .. well yeah grown up more before being so involved. I don't regret anything at all, don't get me wrong, I was in a relationship with him for about 3 years for a reason. All I'm saying is that we would have had a much better relationship if I would have waited a year or two.
We could have avoided so much if we had waited to figure out what we really wanted.. All I wanted at that point in my life was the teenage vampire romance crap. I was insecure, emotional, afraid, closed off, dramatic, selfish, and all around not fit to be having a relationship. Another part of that issue, that wasn't really in my control, was because of my parents. They didn't allow me to date so ... I would sneak around just to see my boyfriend. Things just shouldn't be so hard in a relationship. The simplest and one of the most important things in a relationship is to see each other. As 50%  of that relationship I wasn't even meeting that simple requirement, and yet I still hung on for dear life. Which wasn't fair to him, that's where the selfishness comes into play. Being so young and getting so serious, I held on too much.. meaning I wasn't ready to be alone. I grew too used to having him around and didn't want to go through high school not having someone there with me. Whether he was my boyfriend or just a best friend, I just wasn't prepared to be alone. Which is sooo messed up. Never go into a relationship not being able to just do your own thing. That is a HUGE reason why I failed at the relationship. Relationships are a give and take kind of deal, like a scale. You both have to lift equal amounts for things to work, you both have to give something to the relationship in order to take something. Things wont work out if one side continuously gives while the other takes; when things are like that one side of the scale is just down to the floor while the other is just too high.
But thank God I get the chance to give it another try with this amazing guy. Even though the relationship we had was just really bad,for more reasons than I discussed, we fell in love with each other and here we are. Words don't really do my feelings any justice. The way I feel and have felt about this guy have just never changed no matter how bad things got between us. Even when we were no longer dating or even talking to one another.. I couldn't make myself stop loving him.
Not the point of this post. I just think its beneficial to look back and evaluate the things I've done wrong and just move on. ... this was a therapeutic kind of post sorry to bore anyone reading :P
-L3

Changes

Well everyone, if you haven't noticed a lot of time has passed since the last time I posted to this blog. So let me give you a summary of my life over the past several months. I have moved twice, from my ex's house, to a family friend's, and now I'm with my current roommate. So I have had quite a few changes other than location.
Life works in mysterious ways, it has brought an unexpected someone back into my life. A someone who I would have never guessed would make another appearance into my life again. But to my surprise he's here again. When one door closes, life opens another one. And my God am I happy to see this one open, I've been missing this part of my life for so long that my heart sang when I was reunited with him <3
I label myself as the most unlucky person in the whole world, but this unlucky gal finally got lucky. She got this amazing person back into her life. My life finally looks like its turning around, yet again. Buuuut we were only together for a short amount of time,kind of.. it was like 3 months, before he went off to do some marching over the summer. I'm so proud of him and all the hard work he has put in to pursue his dream. I miss him already and the summer has just begun. If you're reading this now, I love you and I know you're gonna be great.
Another thing that has changed over the past months has been, me. I'm becoming someone much different than I was maybe a year ago when I last posted. Human beings change so much during their early years.. I've come to notice. I became somewhat stronger, only because I know how to be alone and not take bs from anyone. I have come to terms with losing friends and I refuse to just let them bring me down when they drop me. I'd much rather be alone than have people in my life who really don't care about me.
It's time for lil ol' L3 to grow up and start being somewhat of an adult. My life needs to start getting together. I don't want to feel like I have to rely on other people, it's really time for me to be independent. Wish me luck :P

-L3

split personalities

Alright, let me begin with this statement; I am not a religious person. I also don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if I believe in a God or a Goddess, Satan or hell. All I know is that I am lost when it comes to my faith. I want to believe in some kind of afterlife, but another part of me just refuses to believe in a fairy-tale happy ending. What I mean by that is, where hope and faith triumph over evil and darkness, life isn't like that so how can I expect life after death to be that way. I am an open minded individual, so I have an open heart when it comes to God as well. I just can't bring myself to think that people have the wrong idea of "our heavenly father". I have heard many different Christians speak about God, and some of the things I hear just doesn't make any sense to me.
When I was LDS (Mormon), I was taught that God loved all of us. I would like to believe that alot of Christian churches believe that as well. Which brings me to my question, why would someone say God hates gays, or something like gay's will go to hell? If you believe in a loving God who cares about his children... why would you say he would throw one of his children into hell??? I know my Dad would never do something like that to me or my brothers. So why would God be any different? He is our father according to Christian beliefs. What father would toss his children into an eternal hell fire?!
I just don't get it.. and then there is the fact that some of us go through so much in life, and God has done nothing for them. Then I get the response, "He is testing you", "He wont give you something you cannot handle." That sounds like some BULL. Why would He allow his son or daughter to be raped, murdered, or even worse. THAT MAKES NO SENSE!! And some will have the audacity to tell me that maybe that person deserved it or that it was meant to make them stronger. NO. No one deserves to go through that. EVER.
Sorry, now I am just ranting.. Like I said.. I just don't know what to believe... so don't expect me to know.

-L3

Just stop it.

I have been on social media seeing some very disturbing posts, which are about poaching animals in Africa. Specifically the young lion Cecil. Now, I want to start off by saying how wrong poaching is. For those who do not know what it is, poaching is hunting for sport; for the most part. But for some reason this story is the star of my news feed, and I am getting annoyed honestly. Not about the story getting the attention it deserves but more at the people re-posting the story. If you eat meat, you are no different than the hunter in my opinion.
No you don't go to Africa and shoot down lions or giraffes, but you kill innocent animals for your pleasure. Sorry guys, I really don't want to hear about how bad you feel about the animal abuse. If you eat meat you are no better. The only difference here is that lions are exotic and farm animals are common. The dentist used his gun to shoot this lion, you my fellow human beings use your forks. You have no idea how much you people piss me off. You can eat a cow, chicken. or pig for breakfast but you cannot stand to see a dead lion?
You see dead animals all the time. on your plate.
Get over yourselves.
Sorry if that offended you, but this had to be said. Just because it is the truth in some aspect.

-L3

Pathetic

This post is going to get a little on the downside, I'm not depressed or anything, I just thought about my friends. I have 4 friends.. maybe 5. One is my cat.
It's pretty sad. So I search the internet for friends because I have social anxiety. I know it's weird.. but it makes me feel better. I go on Omegle often, and I meet some really nice people who have alot in common with me. But I just thought about something... It is so pathetic that I have to go online to find friends. I am 18 years old, shouldn't I be going to parties or something?? I think that is the normal thing to be doing at my age.. but no little ol' me is sitting at home on my laptop talking to random strangers. It sucks so much.
I do want to go out to parties and force myself out of my comfort zone but.. I don't know where any are.. and I really don't like the idea of going alone. So I am just out of luck.
So here is how my day normally goes.
I wake up and check my phone for any notifications... yeah I have no friends so there are no new texts for the most part.
I either eat or do some yoga.
Then I might watch something on netflix or youtube.
I will look for jobs, or do a random search.
Here is where it gets good. I put on my make up and get ready to go out. But I never go anywhere, I just get my hopes up. Maybe if I am lucky I will go to the store..
I will sit on my bed for a good 20 minutes and think about life..
Then I go to my laptop and type in my search bar, Omegle.
Eat a little..
Go to sleep.
Wake up, and repeat.
That is a normal day. How sad is that? ugh.. one day I will be going to a party.. But that wont be for awhile..
Anyways guys, sorry about that I just wanted to get that out.

- L3

Self Discovery

Hello my internet friends :)
Well I just want to start out and say yes I am very bad at keeping you guys up to date.
Anyways, I just got back from Florida a few days ago, and man it was a bittersweet experience. I got to see some of my close family members, that just so happen to live far away. I missed them so much. It helped to bring me out of my sadness I was stuck in. While I was there I went to the sandy white beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, and I am seriously going to miss it. But one thing I am definitely not going to miss is that Florida humidity. You see I live in a desert, and I am used to dry heat. Definitely not used to drinking my air.
I even got into yoga along the way, let me tell you I really didn't want to do it. But my cousin pushed me to, telling me that I would feel amazing afterwards. She was so right. I have been doing it ever since.
The bitter part of the trip was leaving... I did miss my family back at home but I felt torn between families.. it really sucks.. But I will for sure go back.
Subject change; yes everyone I am still a vegetarian. I am still loving it! I have tried a few new foods, and I haven't really been too disappointed. The one thing is that I tried vegan cheese... just to clarify to everyone who doesn't know the difference between vegan and vegetarian is that vegans do not eat or use any kind of animal product. So this cheese was dairy free. I was so sad.. it was so dry. But maybe it was just that brand. I'll keep searching because I want to try the vegan lifestyle.
I want to encourage you to watch a couple of documentaries I have watched recently. They are on Netflix, so please check them out. The first is Get Vegecated (I am not for sure that is the correct way to spell it), this is about an experiment of turning average people into vegans for six weeks. Very good documentary in my opinion. And the second one is called Blackfish, which is about Orca Whales in Sea World.
I will leave you with this thought, be mindful of your needs and the needs of the earth we live on.

-L3

Letting Go

So this has been week one of my new lifestyle choice. I have only eaten chicken twice this week, once today and once on Wednesday. I am pretty proud of myself for even making it a week. Honestly it's easy to not want it, mentally that is, but it's different when your body is telling you to eat it. Hard to explain.. but like I was saying, I am really happy with my decision. I will definitely keep you guys up to date with that if you're interested.
But I'm going on to a subject that is hard for me to talk about, losing people who are dear to me. I've lost so many it seems, they don't realize it but I see it. Friends I had in high school just never seem to stay by my side. It sounds sad, but it's the truth. My blondes that I used to post about, the trio broke up long ago. We managed to get over ourselves, but it isn't the same if you know what I mean. Friendship is like glass, once broken you can try to glue the pieces back together but it will never be the same. We hardly ever talk anymore, and one of them is leaving to go to school in Washington. Which is amazing, I am so happy for her, but at the same time I wish the three of us would just stick together. That is just a selfish notion though.
After the blondes broke up, I found a new friend. If you know me well, you know who I am talking about. We just clicked right away. Similar interests and taste, even our personalities were similar. When my family life took a turn for the worst, she and her mother took me into their home. I am eternally grateful for them, they saved me. But soon our friendship hit the rocks.. we were at each other's throats for small things. It was sad, I stuck by her though because we became sisters. She thinks that just because we disagree on a lot now that we lost each other as sisters long ago. I see why she could think that. The thing is, just because you and your sister don't get along does not mean you aren't sisters any longer. You are stuck with them for life. She will always be my sister, but she hates me. And I love her still, which sucks.
Last and certainly not least is my aunt, who I call grandma (don't ask). I haven't lost her, but I am so afraid to lose her. She just found out she has lung cancer. I was devastated when I found out. She has helped to raise me. You can probably see why losing her would be so scary to me, she is almost like a second mother. I worry about her all the time, she just started chemo therapy and radiation treatment. It is so scary to think that you might lose someone who has always been there to something like death. I know I sound really melodramatic... but can you blame me?
What I am trying to tell you guys is that you need to appreciate your friends, best friends, or sisters ect. We take these important people for granted. And once the friendship is over because of whatever reason, you will regret it. So what I want all of you to do is to call someone you love and tell them how much you love them. How much you appreciate the little things they do for you. Tell them how important they are. Even if you haven't talked in awhile, I am sure they will appreciate it.
-L3
Oh, before I go, my grandmother needs help paying her medical bills. She has a go fund me account. Please go check it out if you would like. I would greatly appreciate it if you could donate, even a dollar donation would help. :) Here is a link to her page. Thank you.

 http://www.gofundme.com/xqwq2tk

FINALLY

I am proud to announce to those of you who don't know, gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states. This is so wonderful, I woke up to this on my phone and was overwhelmed with joy. I am a member of the LGBT community being bisexual and all. You can see why I am so happy for everyone in the community. It's so hard to wrap my head around, not that it's now legal, but the fact that it took so long. Marriage is a simple human right, at least in my opinion.
I'm not sure what to say here, all I know is that I am so happy. I hope to see my friends from high school who are gay, go through life and find that special someone. They wont have to worry about not being able to be married. I hope to one day get an invitation to one of these weddings. Today is definitely going in the history books.
One day homophobia will be just a distant memory. At least, I hope so.
-L3
(sorry that was all over the place but.. I am just so excited.)

A look into my life

So here we go again with the blogging...
I am really bad at keeping up with this thing aren't I?
Oh well.. Here is a look into my life right now.
I just graduated high school, which is super awesome because I am the first in my family to graduate high school. Everyone is so proud of me, even I am. Just because it wasn't easy for me this year. So many things came up but I still did it.
I just got back from a trip to Warped Tour in Pomona, California. Which was amazing by the way, I was so happy throughout the whole trip. It sucks to come back to Vegas and deal with such horrible weather.. ugh.
I am going to Florida on the 8th next month, which I am super stoked about! I get to go see some family who I haven't seen in about a year. Not only am I excited to see my family but I am also excited to have a change of scenery. I see so many beautiful photographs of the beautiful weather in Florida. I hope i can see some dolphins when I go to the beach.
Speaking of animals, I recently decided to become a vegetarian. I have been doing some research and it seems like the best lifestyle for me personally. I'm starting off slowly though, I have a very positive feeling about this change. And I hope maybe I can help some of you become vegetarians, if you aren't into that sort of thing then please support me. I need all the help I can get.
But not all things in life are all hunky dory, I have been going through some really rough waters lately. Some days I don't even get out of bed... but after my trip to California I have had a better outlook on life. I realized that life isn't going to be beautiful, it's up to us to make it that way. I keep getting caught up in other people's problems, I need to focus on myself right now. And it is so hard for me, for some reason I just can't let go. I don't get it. I don't need to care so much, and yet I do.
I have too big of a heart. Yes that does exist, and I apparently have one. I wouldn't wish this on anyone because of how much pain it has caused me...
But life goes on.