Well I just feel the need to write about this, I have come to the point in my life where I want to reevaluate the decisions in my life.. One of them being getting into a (soon to be) serious relationship when I was 14. I became one of the most annoying girlfriends in the history of girlfriends. I was, at least I feel, too young for such a serious commitment. I should have grown up more and .. well yeah grown up more before being so involved. I don't regret anything at all, don't get me wrong, I was in a relationship with him for about 3 years for a reason. All I'm saying is that we would have had a much better relationship if I would have waited a year or two.
We could have avoided so much if we had waited to figure out what we really wanted.. All I wanted at that point in my life was the teenage vampire romance crap. I was insecure, emotional, afraid, closed off, dramatic, selfish, and all around not fit to be having a relationship. Another part of that issue, that wasn't really in my control, was because of my parents. They didn't allow me to date so ... I would sneak around just to see my boyfriend. Things just shouldn't be so hard in a relationship. The simplest and one of the most important things in a relationship is to see each other. As 50% of that relationship I wasn't even meeting that simple requirement, and yet I still hung on for dear life. Which wasn't fair to him, that's where the selfishness comes into play. Being so young and getting so serious, I held on too much.. meaning I wasn't ready to be alone. I grew too used to having him around and didn't want to go through high school not having someone there with me. Whether he was my boyfriend or just a best friend, I just wasn't prepared to be alone. Which is sooo messed up. Never go into a relationship not being able to just do your own thing. That is a HUGE reason why I failed at the relationship. Relationships are a give and take kind of deal, like a scale. You both have to lift equal amounts for things to work, you both have to give something to the relationship in order to take something. Things wont work out if one side continuously gives while the other takes; when things are like that one side of the scale is just down to the floor while the other is just too high.
But thank God I get the chance to give it another try with this amazing guy. Even though the relationship we had was just really bad,for more reasons than I discussed, we fell in love with each other and here we are. Words don't really do my feelings any justice. The way I feel and have felt about this guy have just never changed no matter how bad things got between us. Even when we were no longer dating or even talking to one another.. I couldn't make myself stop loving him.
Not the point of this post. I just think its beneficial to look back and evaluate the things I've done wrong and just move on. ... this was a therapeutic kind of post sorry to bore anyone reading :P
-L3
We could have avoided so much if we had waited to figure out what we really wanted.. All I wanted at that point in my life was the teenage vampire romance crap. I was insecure, emotional, afraid, closed off, dramatic, selfish, and all around not fit to be having a relationship. Another part of that issue, that wasn't really in my control, was because of my parents. They didn't allow me to date so ... I would sneak around just to see my boyfriend. Things just shouldn't be so hard in a relationship. The simplest and one of the most important things in a relationship is to see each other. As 50% of that relationship I wasn't even meeting that simple requirement, and yet I still hung on for dear life. Which wasn't fair to him, that's where the selfishness comes into play. Being so young and getting so serious, I held on too much.. meaning I wasn't ready to be alone. I grew too used to having him around and didn't want to go through high school not having someone there with me. Whether he was my boyfriend or just a best friend, I just wasn't prepared to be alone. Which is sooo messed up. Never go into a relationship not being able to just do your own thing. That is a HUGE reason why I failed at the relationship. Relationships are a give and take kind of deal, like a scale. You both have to lift equal amounts for things to work, you both have to give something to the relationship in order to take something. Things wont work out if one side continuously gives while the other takes; when things are like that one side of the scale is just down to the floor while the other is just too high.
But thank God I get the chance to give it another try with this amazing guy. Even though the relationship we had was just really bad,for more reasons than I discussed, we fell in love with each other and here we are. Words don't really do my feelings any justice. The way I feel and have felt about this guy have just never changed no matter how bad things got between us. Even when we were no longer dating or even talking to one another.. I couldn't make myself stop loving him.
Not the point of this post. I just think its beneficial to look back and evaluate the things I've done wrong and just move on. ... this was a therapeutic kind of post sorry to bore anyone reading :P
-L3
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