Well this is a night like any other I've had this summer.. a night where I stay up later than I should. Thinking.. like what is my whole purpose in life. I, just like many other teenagers/college students.. am just trying to figure out where I fit in this world. And once I find where I belong.. then what? I die and it's gone? What's the point exactly? (This is not going to be some religious bs, I really don't wanna get into that again,)
I catch myself wondering, who do I belong with? Am I supposed to go through life with a partner? or alone..? What will I do with my life? Will I have a career, get married, and have kids? Or will I die young? Will I be a drifter? So many questions I just want answers to.. What's the point of building a life for myself if it all will end one day? And.. I just don't see the point in life itself. Not in a suicidal way, but in all honesty I really don't get it.
So a person who grew up with religion, like me, was taught that the purpose of life was like a huge exam. To prove yourself pretty much.. but now that I let go of religion.. does life really have no meaning without a religion behind it? Hm..
Then I think about my current relationship, am I supposed to be with this person? Will we last? (I hope so, I don't really think I'm making a mistake. I'm just questioning everything at this point) I am very conflicted. I don't want to live a life with no purpose or meaning.
. . .
This is unrelated... but I just want to put this out there because it made me extremely happy. My father called me today and we talked for awhile catching up. I'm not going to get into the details of why I don't get to talk to him all the time. But, he said something that really touched my heart and it brought me to tears on the phone. I didn't tell him about my relationship with my current boyfriend only because we have a history, not a very positive one you could say. So I was waiting for a good time to tell him about it, but my mom told him about it which bummed me out because I wanted to tell him myself. Anyways, he told me that he supports the relationship I have with my boyfriend.. and he just wants us to be happy. Oh good lord I'm tearing up typing this.. but it means so much because one my parents NEVER supported us as a couple, AND my dad is so unforgiving. He will hold a grudge for a looonnng time. It just makes me so happy that he is willing to get over the past and support my happiness. Because he just never did when he and I dated before.. My dad is just awesome and I love him so much. He always does things for me to just be happy.. even if that means getting over something he doesn't necessarily want to... I have a great dad, I miss him so much. Well I should be getting to bed soon.. bleh..
-L3
I catch myself wondering, who do I belong with? Am I supposed to go through life with a partner? or alone..? What will I do with my life? Will I have a career, get married, and have kids? Or will I die young? Will I be a drifter? So many questions I just want answers to.. What's the point of building a life for myself if it all will end one day? And.. I just don't see the point in life itself. Not in a suicidal way, but in all honesty I really don't get it.
So a person who grew up with religion, like me, was taught that the purpose of life was like a huge exam. To prove yourself pretty much.. but now that I let go of religion.. does life really have no meaning without a religion behind it? Hm..
Then I think about my current relationship, am I supposed to be with this person? Will we last? (I hope so, I don't really think I'm making a mistake. I'm just questioning everything at this point) I am very conflicted. I don't want to live a life with no purpose or meaning.
. . .
This is unrelated... but I just want to put this out there because it made me extremely happy. My father called me today and we talked for awhile catching up. I'm not going to get into the details of why I don't get to talk to him all the time. But, he said something that really touched my heart and it brought me to tears on the phone. I didn't tell him about my relationship with my current boyfriend only because we have a history, not a very positive one you could say. So I was waiting for a good time to tell him about it, but my mom told him about it which bummed me out because I wanted to tell him myself. Anyways, he told me that he supports the relationship I have with my boyfriend.. and he just wants us to be happy. Oh good lord I'm tearing up typing this.. but it means so much because one my parents NEVER supported us as a couple, AND my dad is so unforgiving. He will hold a grudge for a looonnng time. It just makes me so happy that he is willing to get over the past and support my happiness. Because he just never did when he and I dated before.. My dad is just awesome and I love him so much. He always does things for me to just be happy.. even if that means getting over something he doesn't necessarily want to... I have a great dad, I miss him so much. Well I should be getting to bed soon.. bleh..
-L3
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