split personalities

Alright, let me begin with this statement; I am not a religious person. I also don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know if I believe in a God or a Goddess, Satan or hell. All I know is that I am lost when it comes to my faith. I want to believe in some kind of afterlife, but another part of me just refuses to believe in a fairy-tale happy ending. What I mean by that is, where hope and faith triumph over evil and darkness, life isn't like that so how can I expect life after death to be that way. I am an open minded individual, so I have an open heart when it comes to God as well. I just can't bring myself to think that people have the wrong idea of "our heavenly father". I have heard many different Christians speak about God, and some of the things I hear just doesn't make any sense to me.
When I was LDS (Mormon), I was taught that God loved all of us. I would like to believe that alot of Christian churches believe that as well. Which brings me to my question, why would someone say God hates gays, or something like gay's will go to hell? If you believe in a loving God who cares about his children... why would you say he would throw one of his children into hell??? I know my Dad would never do something like that to me or my brothers. So why would God be any different? He is our father according to Christian beliefs. What father would toss his children into an eternal hell fire?!
I just don't get it.. and then there is the fact that some of us go through so much in life, and God has done nothing for them. Then I get the response, "He is testing you", "He wont give you something you cannot handle." That sounds like some BULL. Why would He allow his son or daughter to be raped, murdered, or even worse. THAT MAKES NO SENSE!! And some will have the audacity to tell me that maybe that person deserved it or that it was meant to make them stronger. NO. No one deserves to go through that. EVER.
Sorry, now I am just ranting.. Like I said.. I just don't know what to believe... so don't expect me to know.

-L3

Just stop it.

I have been on social media seeing some very disturbing posts, which are about poaching animals in Africa. Specifically the young lion Cecil. Now, I want to start off by saying how wrong poaching is. For those who do not know what it is, poaching is hunting for sport; for the most part. But for some reason this story is the star of my news feed, and I am getting annoyed honestly. Not about the story getting the attention it deserves but more at the people re-posting the story. If you eat meat, you are no different than the hunter in my opinion.
No you don't go to Africa and shoot down lions or giraffes, but you kill innocent animals for your pleasure. Sorry guys, I really don't want to hear about how bad you feel about the animal abuse. If you eat meat you are no better. The only difference here is that lions are exotic and farm animals are common. The dentist used his gun to shoot this lion, you my fellow human beings use your forks. You have no idea how much you people piss me off. You can eat a cow, chicken. or pig for breakfast but you cannot stand to see a dead lion?
You see dead animals all the time. on your plate.
Get over yourselves.
Sorry if that offended you, but this had to be said. Just because it is the truth in some aspect.

-L3

Pathetic

This post is going to get a little on the downside, I'm not depressed or anything, I just thought about my friends. I have 4 friends.. maybe 5. One is my cat.
It's pretty sad. So I search the internet for friends because I have social anxiety. I know it's weird.. but it makes me feel better. I go on Omegle often, and I meet some really nice people who have alot in common with me. But I just thought about something... It is so pathetic that I have to go online to find friends. I am 18 years old, shouldn't I be going to parties or something?? I think that is the normal thing to be doing at my age.. but no little ol' me is sitting at home on my laptop talking to random strangers. It sucks so much.
I do want to go out to parties and force myself out of my comfort zone but.. I don't know where any are.. and I really don't like the idea of going alone. So I am just out of luck.
So here is how my day normally goes.
I wake up and check my phone for any notifications... yeah I have no friends so there are no new texts for the most part.
I either eat or do some yoga.
Then I might watch something on netflix or youtube.
I will look for jobs, or do a random search.
Here is where it gets good. I put on my make up and get ready to go out. But I never go anywhere, I just get my hopes up. Maybe if I am lucky I will go to the store..
I will sit on my bed for a good 20 minutes and think about life..
Then I go to my laptop and type in my search bar, Omegle.
Eat a little..
Go to sleep.
Wake up, and repeat.
That is a normal day. How sad is that? ugh.. one day I will be going to a party.. But that wont be for awhile..
Anyways guys, sorry about that I just wanted to get that out.

- L3

Self Discovery

Hello my internet friends :)
Well I just want to start out and say yes I am very bad at keeping you guys up to date.
Anyways, I just got back from Florida a few days ago, and man it was a bittersweet experience. I got to see some of my close family members, that just so happen to live far away. I missed them so much. It helped to bring me out of my sadness I was stuck in. While I was there I went to the sandy white beaches of the Gulf of Mexico, and I am seriously going to miss it. But one thing I am definitely not going to miss is that Florida humidity. You see I live in a desert, and I am used to dry heat. Definitely not used to drinking my air.
I even got into yoga along the way, let me tell you I really didn't want to do it. But my cousin pushed me to, telling me that I would feel amazing afterwards. She was so right. I have been doing it ever since.
The bitter part of the trip was leaving... I did miss my family back at home but I felt torn between families.. it really sucks.. But I will for sure go back.
Subject change; yes everyone I am still a vegetarian. I am still loving it! I have tried a few new foods, and I haven't really been too disappointed. The one thing is that I tried vegan cheese... just to clarify to everyone who doesn't know the difference between vegan and vegetarian is that vegans do not eat or use any kind of animal product. So this cheese was dairy free. I was so sad.. it was so dry. But maybe it was just that brand. I'll keep searching because I want to try the vegan lifestyle.
I want to encourage you to watch a couple of documentaries I have watched recently. They are on Netflix, so please check them out. The first is Get Vegecated (I am not for sure that is the correct way to spell it), this is about an experiment of turning average people into vegans for six weeks. Very good documentary in my opinion. And the second one is called Blackfish, which is about Orca Whales in Sea World.
I will leave you with this thought, be mindful of your needs and the needs of the earth we live on.

-L3

Letting Go

So this has been week one of my new lifestyle choice. I have only eaten chicken twice this week, once today and once on Wednesday. I am pretty proud of myself for even making it a week. Honestly it's easy to not want it, mentally that is, but it's different when your body is telling you to eat it. Hard to explain.. but like I was saying, I am really happy with my decision. I will definitely keep you guys up to date with that if you're interested.
But I'm going on to a subject that is hard for me to talk about, losing people who are dear to me. I've lost so many it seems, they don't realize it but I see it. Friends I had in high school just never seem to stay by my side. It sounds sad, but it's the truth. My blondes that I used to post about, the trio broke up long ago. We managed to get over ourselves, but it isn't the same if you know what I mean. Friendship is like glass, once broken you can try to glue the pieces back together but it will never be the same. We hardly ever talk anymore, and one of them is leaving to go to school in Washington. Which is amazing, I am so happy for her, but at the same time I wish the three of us would just stick together. That is just a selfish notion though.
After the blondes broke up, I found a new friend. If you know me well, you know who I am talking about. We just clicked right away. Similar interests and taste, even our personalities were similar. When my family life took a turn for the worst, she and her mother took me into their home. I am eternally grateful for them, they saved me. But soon our friendship hit the rocks.. we were at each other's throats for small things. It was sad, I stuck by her though because we became sisters. She thinks that just because we disagree on a lot now that we lost each other as sisters long ago. I see why she could think that. The thing is, just because you and your sister don't get along does not mean you aren't sisters any longer. You are stuck with them for life. She will always be my sister, but she hates me. And I love her still, which sucks.
Last and certainly not least is my aunt, who I call grandma (don't ask). I haven't lost her, but I am so afraid to lose her. She just found out she has lung cancer. I was devastated when I found out. She has helped to raise me. You can probably see why losing her would be so scary to me, she is almost like a second mother. I worry about her all the time, she just started chemo therapy and radiation treatment. It is so scary to think that you might lose someone who has always been there to something like death. I know I sound really melodramatic... but can you blame me?
What I am trying to tell you guys is that you need to appreciate your friends, best friends, or sisters ect. We take these important people for granted. And once the friendship is over because of whatever reason, you will regret it. So what I want all of you to do is to call someone you love and tell them how much you love them. How much you appreciate the little things they do for you. Tell them how important they are. Even if you haven't talked in awhile, I am sure they will appreciate it.
-L3
Oh, before I go, my grandmother needs help paying her medical bills. She has a go fund me account. Please go check it out if you would like. I would greatly appreciate it if you could donate, even a dollar donation would help. :) Here is a link to her page. Thank you.

 http://www.gofundme.com/xqwq2tk

FINALLY

I am proud to announce to those of you who don't know, gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states. This is so wonderful, I woke up to this on my phone and was overwhelmed with joy. I am a member of the LGBT community being bisexual and all. You can see why I am so happy for everyone in the community. It's so hard to wrap my head around, not that it's now legal, but the fact that it took so long. Marriage is a simple human right, at least in my opinion.
I'm not sure what to say here, all I know is that I am so happy. I hope to see my friends from high school who are gay, go through life and find that special someone. They wont have to worry about not being able to be married. I hope to one day get an invitation to one of these weddings. Today is definitely going in the history books.
One day homophobia will be just a distant memory. At least, I hope so.
-L3
(sorry that was all over the place but.. I am just so excited.)

A look into my life

So here we go again with the blogging...
I am really bad at keeping up with this thing aren't I?
Oh well.. Here is a look into my life right now.
I just graduated high school, which is super awesome because I am the first in my family to graduate high school. Everyone is so proud of me, even I am. Just because it wasn't easy for me this year. So many things came up but I still did it.
I just got back from a trip to Warped Tour in Pomona, California. Which was amazing by the way, I was so happy throughout the whole trip. It sucks to come back to Vegas and deal with such horrible weather.. ugh.
I am going to Florida on the 8th next month, which I am super stoked about! I get to go see some family who I haven't seen in about a year. Not only am I excited to see my family but I am also excited to have a change of scenery. I see so many beautiful photographs of the beautiful weather in Florida. I hope i can see some dolphins when I go to the beach.
Speaking of animals, I recently decided to become a vegetarian. I have been doing some research and it seems like the best lifestyle for me personally. I'm starting off slowly though, I have a very positive feeling about this change. And I hope maybe I can help some of you become vegetarians, if you aren't into that sort of thing then please support me. I need all the help I can get.
But not all things in life are all hunky dory, I have been going through some really rough waters lately. Some days I don't even get out of bed... but after my trip to California I have had a better outlook on life. I realized that life isn't going to be beautiful, it's up to us to make it that way. I keep getting caught up in other people's problems, I need to focus on myself right now. And it is so hard for me, for some reason I just can't let go. I don't get it. I don't need to care so much, and yet I do.
I have too big of a heart. Yes that does exist, and I apparently have one. I wouldn't wish this on anyone because of how much pain it has caused me...
But life goes on.